Learning to write has taken me to the deepest bowels of my mind, to the farthest reaches of my mental strength. Now that the hard part has truly begun. Getting past the 30k mark is going to be the toughest. I know that I could a bit more angry than normal. I am aware that sleep will be something I remember but don’t recall as having for a while. It is not the story that will do this to me. I know the story the way I know my own life. I have rewritten this twice before. Each time the writing gets better. Each time the frustration of writing takes me down to a place that makes me weep. I rise again, taking the strength that led me to give certain things up. And the strength that led me to let go of people I care about.
Today the wind blew across the Las Vegas valley, bringing with it a new strength to forge ahead. Watching the palm trees bending like question marks in the wind. I know now after the day is over what they were asking of me. Can you do it? Can you write what your heart tells you to? Do you have the strength to push through and tell all the critics of you to go to hell. After much contemplation. My answer is yes I can on all counts.
Pulling myself together with the help of me and my thoughts is something I had no choice to do at a young age. It served me well in my adolescence. I know that I have friends and family that are behind me on this journey. I know that I have people who are not. Until I complete this, regardless of whether it is published I cannot count my life as complete. I am married and have two wonderful kids. My family life is complete with them. I have not completed the goals I set for myself in High School. One of them was out of my control. The other was to do something that I wanted for me. That one thing is to finish a book and see it published. I am writing and waiting until the day comes for it to be finished. I am not sure if this is the one that will be published. No one can say for certain. Most authors first submissions are not accepted. I have learned to live with that.
And still I forge ahead, waiting, listening and most important, writing.
Come with me into the neon light and stay until the end!