Breaking out the Reptile

Following the usual formula has never really worked for me. Tonight is no different. Not having much to write about, having other things on my mind. I have gathered a storm in my head, pulling a dragon I thought I killed a long time ago. I felt tonight different. The writing felt different. I am not sure whether it is because I have been sober for four months or not. Something has broken loose; someone is in my mind that I had not been planning for. He has taken up residence and refuses to leave. There is only one person it could be, the doubter.

The one that comes along and tries to tell me that I cannot write. That publication will not happen. The dream is lost, the stories are fake, and they do not have realness to them. The doubter is my enemy, it is odd whom he sounds like, and well at least I used to think so. The voice that comes when my life and my writing has proceeded very well. That last time I heard the voice, January. I thought I killed the doubts, the lies he keeps telling me. The things that he chases from my mind. He is also, what I call the reptile. His skin is under mine, pulling all the thoughts from my brain, making it so I cannot write. He is the one that causes me to have a blockage.

I thought he was an apparition one night, he then talked and I listened. That was in December, telling me I will never be anything, that I will not be a writer. I will never amount to anything. This is the reptile. I thought I killed him; he keeps coming back, telling me the same lies over again. I think I have found the thing that will kill him off for good. It appears that he will be gone permanently; I am waiting for his call, waiting to see if he can open his mouth in my head again. I think that he does not dare to approach for I am the reptile killer.

My creation is the vampire that rules, that one that I hear every day. His incessant voice, telling me I am the right one for this story. My background, my mind and my knowledge of the subject will bring back what was lost. I am not chasing the dream of publication, the dream is now chasing me, asking me when I am going to slow down and wait for the right time. Now is the right time, now is when I will choose, now.

The vampires are on their way back to the darkness. Come with me into the neon light and stay until the end. Neon is their guardian, nothing protects their skin the way the neon light does.


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