Writing has taken on something else for me. It is no longer something I do just because I enjoy writing, however, I still do enjoy it. I write because I feel I am good at it. Sure getting published would be nice. That is not why I write. I use it to empty my mind, to keep the demons away. It is the one release of my soul that feels better than anything else. Bringing my vampires off the page and to an agent is a goal, that is why I have this blog.
I was not able to get any writing done on my vacation. I did have fun with my son fishing with my son. It was his first time at it and he did very well, we did not catch anything. I have not fished in five years. Going home to where I grew up was a sobering realization of how far I have come. Most of the stores I grew up with have closed. There is a new outdoor mall where I first got hit on by an older girl.
I did make my usual trek to see my Grandparents. My grandmother always believed I would be someone, and do something special with my life. My grandfather was the hardest working man I have ever known. I also went to see my aunt, who in many ways was more of a grandmother to a lot of my family growing up. She, like my grandmother always believed I would grow up to be someone special. My father was my aunt’s favorite, maybe that is why she said those things or her and my grandmother saw something in me I did not.
Seeing their headstones has always brought tears to my eyes. Maybe because things would be different with my father if she were alive today, or maybe because sometimes I need that extra support when I don’t feel the words coming out, or when life doesn’t happen the way I think it should. Life happens very rarely the way I think it should. The last year has proved that to me. If someone were to tell me that I was close to finishing a novel I would have told them, maybe.
I believed I would do something big, I thought I was on this planet to bring something. To be someone who others would look up to. Right now I have two kids that look up to me I am okay with it being just them. If the fates decide to give me a chance at something else I will run with it. I have been a writer since the age of fourteen. I have not always written well or done it for long stretches. But I have done it when I needed to.