My journey towards buddhism.

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.

When reality seems to hit me across the face I am normally not struck by the meaning in what has happened. I recently read “What Dreams May Come”. I enjoyed the movie very much and I wanted to read the book for a very long time. To say that the book had an effect on me is to say that the sun will rise tomorrow.  It was that in my face. Everything that I believed, thought about or read was in one book. Learning is what makes humans who we are, learning to adapt to certain situations and overcome them for whatever reason is human. Learning from the mistakes we have made thus far in our lives and reflect upon them, that is what this book has done to me.

I have studied Eastern philosophy and religions for most of my adult life. I fell away from Christianity because of the message being put out by most of the Christian followers. I remember reading about the Buddha when I was about twenty, the story and his awakening. That is what I knew I had looked for. I do not practice as much as I should, nor do I follow every tenet of the religion. I follow those that are most important to who I believe I am. To never harm another living thing, that has been hard recently. I took my son fishing on our vacation, I bought some worms. This is something I have done since I was his age, he is six. When I tried to put the hook into the worm, I do not know how to describe the feeling. I could feel the pain the worm felt when the hook went in. Watching the worm wriggle against the inserted hook nearly made me cry. I am thirty four years old. This was not something I should be crying over. I could not understand why this one moment I had clarity. Why I felt harmony with everything around me. It is one moment in my life I will keep with me forever.

Breathing in the beliefs that I have had since my early twenty’s was amazing. Watching my son stare at me with his big blue eyes when I stuck the worm, I could see the wonder in his eyes as I put the hook in, feeling the emotion he felt, thinking it was okay to do this to another creature. After we finished fishing I opened the carton of worms in the shade of the river bank, setting them free. I know that they would be eaten by a fish or some other creature. That did not bother me as a much as sticking them with the hook. My son asked me what I did with the worms when we got back in the car. My words ” I set them free”, his words “good Daddy”. Very wise for a six-year-old.

This is not what I normally write on my blog. This instance and this book had an effect on me. I still do not know how to describe it. I am reading Ayn Rand’s “The fountainhead” now. This book is having an effect on my writing and much more. I live every day trying to be a better person, sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed. Lately, I feel I am doing my part to make this world a better place.


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