Gathering the storm of my mind I felt the coming war in my head the way a lunatic hears his voices. It was all around me, the pain, the words nowhere to be found. The pain in my soul gathered in a rhythmic dust cloud. A fate I wished on myself by pushing so hard, asking so much of myself. I feel I don’t push myself who else will. Every day I ask that I am given the strength to go through my day thinking only of the end goal. Only wanting for this thing that has chosen me. Finding that writer’s block took me to the shallow reaches of a minor depression is hard for me to deal with. Sure on the outside I look like me, inside the torrents were swirling, pulsing and grabbing at my soul.
This was my first descent into writer’s block. I could not write. Anything that came out was, in my opinion horrible. I tried to write something and I would delete or scratch it out. The one thing bringing me out of my confinement is music. I heard “The Wretched” tonight and everything felt better. I knew something was cut loose. I felt free again. Still under the illusion it will not happen again. I am sure it will. I hope it only comes in short little bursts like this time.
Time to move on to something different. That is the only thing I can take from this experience. I need to write something that is unexpected, something that no one expects, least of all me. I am writing again that is what matters to me.