A work will only have deep resonance if the kind of darkness I can generate is something that is resident in me already.
When setting about on a journey one must always have the right tools. For me, finding those tools took longer than I expected. I have begun reading the finished manuscript, that is another step towards being published. I was wrong when I thought the first book was not for me. It was more for me than anyone else. It took me a long time to realize it. Reading it has amazed me, learning what I did wrong, things I wrote wrong. Finding the little part of one’s self and putting it on the page is something hard to do.
Knowing what you want to write and writing it, so very different. I did not use any outlines for this book, I just wrote. It took around 7 revisions before finally completing the finished book. The first few versions were more like short stories of certain parts of the book, I am sure this is how a book comes together now, at least for me and the way I write. The way I write is different from the way someone else would write.
The book takes the dark things I think about and includes things I thought I had forgotten about. Writing it was a look in at myself and who I am now. It was different from I thought it would be, much different and harder. Writing something is always difficult, but sometimes it is fun. The last few chapters of the book is when I hit my stride and understood the book and its characters. When I finished the book (I mean this draft) I sat back for a minute, looked at the file on my screen, and smiled like I never have before. Writing is was utter joy, finishing it was better than I thought it would be.
Saying you are going to write a book and actually doing it are two different things. I have learned about myself along this journey. I am only at the start and have so long to go.