I have never been this close to something I have wanted, other than marrying my wife. Writing has always been an escape for me, always a way to get away from life. Reading has done the same. I always wondered what it would be like to have something I wrote in a book store for someone to read. Now that I am closer than ever to being in that place, I am afraid, nervous and honestly not sure how I will react. When I get that first letter from an agent telling me that he will take me as a client, then I will have minor celebration with my wife and kids. The way I write, the things I have done, the life I have led have taken me here.
The person I am, whether my name is daddy, Brian, son or brother, all my life is in what I write. From every sad moment of my grandma dying or my aunt Cella to my grandpa’s. All the people I have me all the experiences I have had, they all brought me to this point. I believe that in life, it takes one event to set us upon a certain path. When my cousin told me she was glad I was a writer too, that was the event. To have someone, a relative, even if you don’t know them that well tell you something like that. It set me on this course. At that point I had written a few short stories and took a class with Gotham Writer’s Workshop online. When she told me I was a writer too, to have someone reaffirm something that deep down I knew, I began to write like I never had before. I became determined and after the events of the past year, that determination became something else.
I became driven to succeed, something that I never was in High School or any other time in my life. I believed in myself, at that point I knew no one else, other than a few people, would. I am upon the threshold of where I want to be in my life. The journey has separated me from those I love. I have learned that there is a darkness in my soul, and I have learned to use it to my advantage.
The darkness has been there since I was a child. Harnessing the darkness into words made me finish the book. Making my life matter to me, that was what I wanted from this whole writing experience. Making life matter to others is why I write the stories I do. I write things that, sometimes are very dark. I know my soul has dark things in it, I have been aware of this for a long time. My writing releases the darkness upon the world, and lets it out of my head, where sometimes I think I may go mad from it.