I have never been this close to something I have wanted, other than marrying my wife. Writing has always been an escape for me, always a way to get away from life. Reading has done the same. I always wondered what it would be like to have something I wrote in a book store for someone to read. Now that I am closer than ever to being in that place, I am afraid, nervous and honestly not sure how I will react. When I get that first letter from an agent telling me that he will take me as a client, then I will have minor celebration with my wife and kids. The way I write, the things I have done, the life I have led have taken me here.

The person I am, whether my name is daddy, Brian, son or brother, all my life is in what I write. From every sad moment of my grandma dying or my aunt Cella to my grandpa’s. All the people I have me  all the experiences I have had, they all brought me to this point. I believe that in life, it takes one event to set us upon a certain path. When my cousin told me she was glad I was a writer too, that was the event. To have someone, a relative, even if you don’t know them that well tell you something like that. It set me on this course. At that point I had written a few short stories and took a class with Gotham Writer’s Workshop online. When she told me I was a writer too, to have someone reaffirm something that deep down I knew, I began to write like I never had before. I became determined and after the events of the past year, that determination became something else.

I became driven to succeed, something that I never was in High School or any other time in my life. I believed in myself, at that point I knew no one else, other than a few people, would. I am upon the threshold of where I want to be in my life. The journey has separated me from those I love. I have learned that there is a darkness in my soul, and I have learned to use it to my advantage.

The darkness has been there since I was a child. Harnessing the darkness into words made me finish the book. Making my life matter to me, that was what I wanted from this whole writing experience. Making life matter to others is why I write the stories I do. I write things that, sometimes are very dark. I know my soul has dark things in it, I have been aware of this for a long time. My writing releases the darkness upon the world, and lets it out of my head, where sometimes I think I may go mad from it.


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2 Responses to Driven

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Driven « BB_Baker Writing --

  2. I am so very proud of you for daring to take this journey. Putting your soul into something like writing – and I can feel that you have – takes guts and courage. Pushing yourself further than you thought possible, even more so.

    It took me five books and two-and-a-half years of writing almost full-time to become published. During that time, I had a fire for it just like the one you describe. I WANTED it like I’d never wanted anything and I vowed to write as many books as necessary to make it happen.

    It wasn’t easy, but it was so, so worth it. Your commitment and determination together with your talent increase your odds exponentially. To quote a very wise friend of mine, “You aren’t only your worst enemy, you’re your only enemy.”

    As long as you continue to hone your craft and perservere, I know you will succeed. You have the heart of a writer.


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