I know there are still months left in the year, but I thought this was the perfect time to talk about my past year. Those that read the blog on a regular basis know about the falling out I had with my dad. All my friends at work know about what happened as well. I will not get into details about what happened only that the letter he sent me was the motivation I needed to write, and finish a book. Don’t take this the wrong way, I am not giving him any credit at all. It was the words he said, the way he put them, their coldness. I knew if I was ever going to get out from under him and away from the life I used to have I would have to write. A parent should never ask for anything in return from their kids, the parent should love them unconditionally. Every parenting book, magazine article and expert says this. You should love your kids because, they are your kids, not because they called you on your birthday, Christmas or Father’s Day, only because they are your kids. My kids love me unconditionally as I love them in the same way.
The last year I wrote a book, it is the first time I have completed anything that meant something to me. It is the first time I had to depend on myself and not someone else to do something for me. I am not saying I was given things, though others will say differently. I am saying that without that letter I am not sure I would be at the place in my life I am today. In the next couple years I have a plan. Hopefully it will go as planned, life always gets in the way of plans though.
When I read the letter I was hurt, well I was destroyed. Honestly I contemplated a few things after reading that letter, my wife almost didn’t let me read it, she knew the reaction I would have. She has always known me better than anyone else. The letter is tucked away, scanned onto my hard drive for safekeeping. I will never let anyone read it, so don’t even ask. I have had a demon all my life that put me down, made me feel like trash and last year he disowned me as his son.
I am a father of two wonderful kids, my son is 6 my daughter 1. My son had trouble adjusting to school, he went to a private kindergarten, but disowning him as my father has done, he is my twin, seeing him every morning makes me feel alive. I wake up every day because of my kids, not having them in my life would kill me. I will never understand with all the time I spent with my dad as a kid, how he could do what he did. He used to be my idol, much as I am to my son, things change, they always do!
I remember when this song came out. Me and my dad were sitting on the couch in the apartment we lived in together, I was in 8th grade. He told me ” I don’t know how a father could say that to their son”, his words.