Nothing a human can do in life can compare to the sheer joy of creation. Whether it is the creating life with a partner, writing, painting or any of the number of other arts forms. The feeling is like an addiction if you do it right. Writing is the best addiction I have tried. It is the only addiction that lets you keep coming back to who you were years before to find out who you are now. You can take a break from it without it causing too many problems. Coming back to writing has been a journey into myself.
I only discovered yesterday where my stories have led me. It was an epiphany, a joyous epiphany to learn more about the way my brain works. It hides things in my writing that I forgot about or placed somewhere else. Putting them away has made it so I can deal with daily life. Daily life is where things get fuzzy. I learned to deal with things through life in a couple of ways. Writing is one of them, simply ignoring them is the other. I became good at ignoring things for a long time. Life has a funny way of coming back around and smacking you in the face.
Revising the current WiP took me farther back than I realized. Bringing out things that I don’t want to deal with. Things I wish never happened, things I wish I could take back, but..alas, that won’t happen; I have no time machine. The term chasing black rainbows comes from something I wrote in high school, nearly twenty years ago. It was depression, something teenagers are good at. I found myself writing about a day when I woke up and the sun was shining, it had rained the night before. I looked for a rainbow in the sky, only finding a black blotch where it should have been. The end of the rainbow stood at my front door. I knew something was different about the story, I couldn’t place it. It was not until re-reading it the other day I found out the past is the black rainbow and I can’t change anything I have done, none of us can. Our lives are where they are because of past things we did.
I set life in motion at different times. When the Marine Corps discharged me, that was me setting life in motion. When I left California, I set life in motion. When I stopped going to college, I set my life in motion. I decided in the last five years to set life in motion again with writing a novel, I stopped chasing black rainbows because there is not point anymore to looking to the past and dwelling on would have/should haves. Live life, go out and live it and stop chasing your black rainbows.