Realizing your true nature

This weeks post is something personal as today is about “Drinking from the Well of Life.” I have chosen to focus on things that have changed me as a person since I began writing and the things that I have changed.

To realize your true nature, you must wait for the right moment and the right conditions. When the time comes, you are awakened as if from a dream. You understand that what you have found is your own and doesn’t come from anywhere outside. – Buddhist Sutra


Three years ago I started writing my first book. My life was in constant flux. Everything that could go wrong was.

The year was bad. We had decided to have another baby and the first month we were pregnant was great then something happened that changed everything. For more about it read here, it brings up sad memories and I am in good place and don’t want to go down that road again.

Just before the birth of our daughter we had filed for bankruptcy, moved out of our house –which in hindsight was a great lesson–I started having a series of migraines and took whatever the doctor prescribed and nothing helped. I went through MRI’s, blood work and vision tests to find out why, with no result. I started missing work, we started missing bills, then the recession started.

Working in the hospitality industry we got hit harder than I planned. We had no back up plan, no true savings and no credit cards. Things were looking dire, not just financially but the emotions of the year with our daughter, the bills, my headaches and other problems  took a toll on my wife and I.

At one point we were to the point of divorce. It was a year I don’t want to relive.

In the past year we had both started to change things in our lives. My wife started looking at my beliefs in Buddhism as something she wanted. Our son started taking guitar lessons, I finished my book and started meditating again.

It was after everything started going so well the rug was pulled. I started getting migraines again–I get them to or three times a week–I started drinking heavily and things felt like they were collapsing around us.

I have learned through Buddhism that only when you feel that your life is out of control do you truly have the ability to seize it with your hands and control it. One of my favorite movie quotes is from K-Pax with Kevin Spacey. When he is talking to Jeff Bridges character about sickness and all the patients in the Psych ward.

~ For your information: All beings have the capacity to cure themselves, Mark. This is something we’ve known on K-PAX for millions of years.~

This is something I am trying now along with other things. I quit drinking. I no longer believe that I need something that causes as much pain as alcohol seems to. I am meditating and am focusing more on changing myself and less on material things.

Our son has a regimen that we try to keep him on. He is now doing guided meditation every night. We have introduced a few books on mindfulness to him and to our daughter. I am learning the teachings in a different way by watching them.

In the end I had two choices I could let fate or my body control what I wanted to do with my life or I could take control. I chose to take control. We have this life to learn from until we are reborn into another.

Taking control of this life and not letting it tell me what to do is what I have done. This video describes how I feel. I am Wesley and Janice is life. Wesley’s buddy Barry is my migraines. And I do feel different!

A month ago I started writing a new book and have flown through it with rare missteps.

This new book came from nothing, the same way the first novel did. I find myself thinking about the story more with each day. Writing a first draft is like being a kid and discovering the world for the first time, it is my favorite part of writing.

The finished novel is in the hands of three people who I know read a lot and know more about grammar, punctuation and all the other things I know I missed. I wait for their copies of the first book with hope that someday something I wrote will help someone the way all the books I have read helped me.


This entry was posted in Buddhism, Fear, Life, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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