I gathered some straws up the other day, went to the zoo, set my story on top of it and low and behold the camel fell to its knees. And I thought it was just a saying.
There are so many times I’ve stared at story and nothing comes out, nothing, nada, zilch. This story has sat in my my mind for the last five years. After 12, yes 12, attempts I’m throwing my hands up and screaming uncle. It’s either not ready or I can’t figure something out with the story.
I’m to the point of erasing the file from my flash drive, yes that’s how I store my books, I can take it anywhere. I read through what I have, 8k worth of dribble that I don’t like and have stared at it until my eyes bleed, and yes I mean this figuratively. Because if the story actually made my eyes bleed that would be reason to toss the story by itself.
Staring at this story day after day, and for the last two weeks I have grown tired of trying to make it work and am so frustrated that I must put it aside for however long. It may be a week, though I’m thinking much longer.
I have other stories that are clamoring for my attention, ones that I enjoy writing and actually almost write themselves, as odd as that sounds. This one seems to pull the blood from underneath my cuticles and onto the page with each stroke of the keys or dribble of ink.
I am tired of trying to write a story that doesn’t want to be written. I feel like something wants this written but its not me. I made some promises to people that I would write this story, and I am sorry for that. This story is stuck in neutral and has been for a month. I wish I could say I have a rough draft done, I don’t, I wish I could say that I could write it and make everything better, I can’t. I have to move on to something else.
The story has moved out of my reach and is no longer something I wish to write. I asked my wife yesterday what I should do, “write the other story” she said. “But I feel like I’m letting you two down.” I responded. “The only way you could let me down is if you stopped writing.” Was her response, that’s why I love her and that’s why I’m moving on.
If I stop writing I won’t like who I am, and I can’t let my wife down. I must write something even if it’s not what I said I was going to write. I let my wife read the first six chapters of this other story, and her response. “You’ve got me interested.”
I will go from, “you’ve got me interested.” This story is one that I haven’t let anyone read, the six chapters is all I am letting her read until it’s done. I have ideas in my head for this story that are immense, interesting and sometimes odd, but this story has life and it isn’t flatlined.
I have 33k done of this story of a planned 100k+. It is a big story but sometimes the big stories bring out the best in us.