I’ve written a couple books, none published, not because they shouldn’t be, but because for one of them, the market was overwhelmed with the subject when I finished it.
The other one is different. I began writing it a year ago after finishing the first book. I wrote the first 36k in a month, which is insane for me.
Over the last month I’ve come to a realization with my writing, I’ve said this a few posts. I’ve thought about what I like writing, and what I write only to get something published. I know I’m a decent writer, I’ve had many people say this, and they’re not just family and friends.
Learning to write is something that I take seriously, I’ve read many books on the subject, but a book doesn’t do the process justice, only the writing does.
I’ve listened to other writers, and it was in a few of these I learned that I should have been writing for myself, not for anyone else.
My recent struggle with writing is indicative of where I stand in my writing. I wasn’t sure for a long time what I wanted to write, only that I enjoyed the process of writing, even the revisions.
More often I’ve found myself loathing sitting at my desk to write. I know that it’s part of writing, the getting aggravated at myself, trying to tell myself I’m not that good, all that.
I think I’m at point in my writing where I see two roads. One leads to writing the way I think I should, and writing what I really want to. The other leads to writing things only for the sake of being published.
I do want to be published, but I don’t want to do it because I wrote something that isn’t who I am.
I told my wife the other day that I’m not afraid of letting her, our kids or other people down when it comes to my writing. I’m worried about letting myself down.
If I let my writing tell me what to write, and not anything else I think I’ll be a lot happier and have a lot more fun writing.
Right now I’m not having fun with my current project, so I’m moving on.
In Batman Begins, one of the men Bruce Wayne fights at the beginning tells him, “This is hell, and I’m the devil.” Bruce Wayne tells him, “You’re not the devil, you’re practice.”
Each book I write from now until I’m published I will look at that way. The book isn’t the devil, it was practice.