All In The Author’s Mind


Deutsch: Phrenologie

Deutsch: Phrenologie (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I wake its blackness, smoke-filled rooms, chaotic creatures crawling up through the sidewalk. These things come to me, they fill my soul, penetrate my mind with putrid dreams of creatures that are always here, always close.

It’s not so much the blackness as it’s an absence of light, devoid of the things we call normal, things most people would call normal anyway.

These little things come, and come quickly, in ravenous bursts of imagery. Imagery which makes my mind panic, my hands twitch and the mere idea of writing them.

I see these things in my mind, my soul and they announce themselves at will. Their hunger, their wanting to be set free of where they’re trapped, laughing and gasping for air in a vacuum they can’t control.

“What vacuum is this,” they say, “what am I doing here?” They wonder.

It’s only in these moments, when my utter frustration with their voices, I find some solace in the truth of where they are, where they come from and why they keep coming.

These moments are minuscule in scale, at least compared to other things. But to me they’re always there, waiting for their time. They enjoy it when it happens, but they’re also vastly underfed and need more time in the public eye. It’s only with this time they feel like they, and I, have done something worthwhile.

When I feel their claws, grasping, ripping and their teeth gnawing at my insides, waiting for their time, I feel the comfort of them. Like small creatures riding around in my head, they’re there.

I don’t know what causes them, but I love they way they make me feel. Their little claws pulling at me is something I enjoy.

This is what writing feels like to me, at least now it does, not that I’ve found another piece to the puzzle of my writing. This is “the” piece. I found it in the darkest place I looked for and it was staring back at me, like a newborn demon waiting to come into the world.

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One Response to All In The Author’s Mind

  1. What a great way of saying this! Love the ” Their little claws pulling at me is something I enjoy.”
    perfectly said: the two sides of a writing

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