Breaking My Parenting Fears To Help My Writing.


Scared child

Scared child (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There is a place that I go to when I’m frustrated with my writing. It feels like that place in Matrix Reloaded, where the Architect is. It’s all white and there are video screens that show all of my writing, to this point.

It’s then I realize how far I’ve come with my writing, it also shows how much fear I still have to get rid of. This fear comes from a place in my childhood. A place where I lived for a very long time. Probably into my thirties.

It was a fear of upsetting the balance, a balance of who I am in respect to my family. This balance has been fragile for a long time, only recently was it straightened.

My childhood wasn’t perfect, who’s was? But, when do we get to the point we reconcile with ourselves about who we were as children, what type of parents we had and whether they’ve dealt with the type of parents they were.

There are a few types of parents I knew growing up, here they are.

  1. The absentee parent.
  • This is the deadbeat dad. The one who’s never around.
  •  Though rare, moms can fit into this group. The rarity of this being a mom is mostly because of society, but this one does exist.
  1. The part-time, when it’s good for them parent.
  • This is the one that was the most prevalent growing up among my friends. I had a lot of friends and girlfriends whose parents were like this.
  • I understand it was the 80’s and 90’s but this parent is the reason most Gen X and Gen Y kids are in therapy.
  1. The angry parent.
  • I saw this one a few times first hand, though only once was something I did.
  • This is the abusive parent, though this one can fit into the other groups. The verbally abusive parent was the most prevalent of this group growing up. Most kids remember things their parents said to them, even as grown ups.
  1. The do everything parent.
  • This is the parent who does the laundry, the dishes and doesn’t raise their kid with responsibilities. I’ve seen this one first hand, and it hasn’t been fun.

As I’m now 36, and a dad twice over, I see some of these rear their ugly heads from time to time, but I’ve tried to get away from these types of parenting.

I still have fear of being judged by my parents, though I’m trying to break that fear and write something that will shatter it. The story that will shatter it has plagued me for a long time, and I feel I’m closer than ever to breaking it.

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